Separation & Truth

November 21, 2011

A Quest For Truth

Results of Separation

I have built this wall forever -
My pride and arrogance at best
I would boast of its perfection
My own will filled the cracks.
Layer upon layer
I thought that I’d be free
Self preservation was its purpose
To keep evil out was key.

Like quicksand though
Was its foundation
A pit of turmoil was the seed
My heart had been raped and slaughtered
These roots would only bleed.

A prisoner of war I became
Within the walls around me
Living life in denial
Believing my past was behind me.
With my soul in despair
I became my own worst enemy
I refused submission to God
And the salvation He offered me.

How could I depend on Him
To fulfill my every need
When I could not relate to Him
Because of all I had seen.
How could I trust Him
I was terrified to the core.
How could He love me
After I was victimized more.

A light from above, I could see
A ray of hope kept calling me
Pain became my motivation
(It wouldn’t be the death of me!)
With my own will,
Best intentions and strength

I tried to climb the mountain
I had built with no faith.

My life was full of addictions
And all the things I could find
Trying to fill the void and emptiness
This world could never hide.
I studied multiple religions
Never giving up my pride
Picking and choosing the truth
The blind leading the blind.

In true desperation I finally cried,
“God throw me a lifeline – I cannot climb!”
I had to face my anger and hatred
It made me feel alive
And pain has many purposes
I began to realize.
God gently whispered,
“Child, you are not yet mine.”

Results of Truth

 My world shattered
I had been convicted
I finally understood
The free will He had given.
I must surrender my soul
Not in part, but in full
I was baptized into His will
And out of my own.

Choices I must make
Obedience isn’t easy
I have to realize that sin
Is the true enemy.
Though my body was abused
He has cleansed my soul
Though my heart was hard
He softens it, as I let go.

Now His grace and mercy
Will bring me to my knees
It keeps me from climbing the wall
Which in part still surrounds me
And like the Walls of Jericho
That in faith came tumbling down
He has patiently whispered,
“My child, you must come thru, not up or around.”

I have been forgiven
His word says without a doubt
I must grow in humility and repentance
I cannot cheat and just climb out.
The Holy Spirit reveals His wisdom
The more I study His word
To finally begin to understand
The worth of being a Christian.

Worldliness has much to offer
If you don’t mind shallow roots
Its foundation is like quicksand
A pit of turmoil Satan rules.
The soul is lost forever
The heart is up for slaughter
Self absorption is survival
The opposite of all His wonder.

My foundation is being rebuilt
These roots no longer bleed
He knows my hearts rejoicing
For changes He brings in me.
His love is unconditional
This I finally see
May I give the same to others
As Christ lives in me.

As my relationship grows stronger
Each and every day
I anticipate calling Him “Father”
And make the time to pray.
With faith and boldness I surrender
Trusting He knows best
“Father help this wall to crumble,
I lay my pride and arrogance to rest.”

For the price He paid, I can relate
He suffered so I may live
May He fulfill my every need
May I look foremost to Him.
Tears I shed for freedom and peace
The first I have ever had
May they work to mold this clay of His
“Into your hands Father, I submit.”

 

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Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Home Alone and The 5 Stages | Jessie Jeanine - December 5, 2013

    […] matter I don’t think. The important part is climbing out of this hole and over the wall I seemed to have built for myself again. The good thing about being down however, is the […]

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