Inside my heart are wounds that need healing
Its beating has slowed, I am barely breathing.
I fear for my life, as I am bleeding;
I am not the chief surgeon, but a resident in training.
I cannot survive or continue to hide
What needs to happen must not be denied.
Open heart surgery must be performed
But, I want to do it on my own accord.
Although, I must admit I need assistance
To this idea, I am still resistant.
This adds feelings of weakness and resentment
For, as my heart is exposed I am vulnerable once more.
I live in a world full of fears, which has brought a life full of tears.
I am only nineteen, too much anguish I have seen
I have many deep scars the eyes cannot see.
My heart needs mending and my soul needs fulfilling
The process has been slow, but I am succeeding.
It is time to peel away the bandages
Which have kept my heart from falling apart.
In order to stop the bleeding
I need to heal all of its beatings.
My heart has been bruised through and through
It only knows black and blue.
I need to cleanse it and make it pure
(God, I need your help too… )
I need to stop the bleeding of my wounds.
The Resident or the Surgeon?
The resident (a lost seeker) is often under the misguided belief that they can handle life on their own. But ask yourself this, “would you ever try to perform surgery without first receiving the education?” Even more so, “would you ever dare try to perform an operation on yourself?”
Many people might wish for a new heart or a new way of life, but they must remember the doctor cannot heal them if they never go see him nor, will they continue to get better if they don’t follow his instructions.
While it is ultimately the residents “choice” whether or not to follow the guidance (Bible) of the chief surgeon (God), they must realize the only way they can ever receive it (a new life) is when they are willing to lay their own self will and pride at the foot of the cross.
Have you made your Dr. appointment today?
I wrote this as a seeker before baptism and accepting Jesus as my personal Savior. It was only then when I realized it is Jesus who cleanses, heals and makes us whole instead of me doing it on my own accord.