My Knight in shining armor, so quick to the rescue
He speaks the perfect words – he can’t be superficial.
No fault does he have that I’m willing to see
Nothing I won’t excuse or pretend not to believe.
For, I feel so empty until he appears
Inside I am lost with many fears.
Too good to be true, he fulfills every need
I forgive all the lies and deny any warning.
Never to believe I deserve any good
I accept imitations
of the (only) love I’ve understood.
We settle down, a pretend smile on my lips
His manipulation and control, I still dismiss.
He beats me, rapes me and claims it’s my fault
He is sorry and loves me, he owns me no doubt.
I hide and lie about the pain he inflicts
He says I’m not worthy, I must be punished.
Guilt, shame and fear – I pretend not to know
That it really is my choice… if I stay or if I go.
It’s Not Your Fault!
Sometimes we don’t want to see what is right in front of our own eyes, and while being abused is never our fault, we do need to take responsibility for our own choices. I have come to believe that true healing won’t happen until we do.
Personally, I feel like I have a magnet stuck to my forehead
with the word “victim” tattooed across it!
Have you ever felt that way? If so, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, because you attract these types of people. It simply means we have some more work to do regarding the thoughts and core beliefs we have about ourselves. It is our own personal insecurities and weaknesses which attract these perpetrators like a magnet.
While it may be difficult to admit, this is where our responsibility comes into play. Regardless of why we might have some skewed boundaries, it is up to us to become more self-aware, accept honest feedback and become more educated, so we can grow and make the necessary changes needed in order to move forward. The goal is to create a healthier relationship with ourselves and achieve a greater level of self-respect, so that we may attract and develop healthier relationships with others in the future.
If you are in an abusive relationship, please realize that despite the extraordinary challenges you may have to overcome, it is your choice whether to stay or leave. Accepting responsibility for ourselves is one way we gain our power back, as is not covering up or making anymore excuses for the abuser. These are the most important steps we can take to rise above the abuse of being a victim and learn how to thrive as a survivor instead.
If you survived the abuse
You will survive the healing too!
P.S. Loving someone does not mean we accept or tolerate their abusive behavior!
- Both sides breaking the silence (metronews.ca)
- Spotting the Signs of Emotional Abuse (everydayhealth.com)
- Common Characteristics of The Abuser (geeton1.wordpress.com)
- Are You in an Abusive Relationship? (drlauraberman.com)
- Domestic violence awareness: Abusers rely on a variety of tactics (enewscourier.com)