So, for the last couple of months we’ve been traveling the countryside again in search of another place to settle. It has helped me finally realize something – that I am NOT a failure (a bit of an internal struggle I’ve had.)
So… I moved to Hawaii and it didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean I failed. I also moved to California and once again, I did not fail, but I did give up (I’m finally able to admit that one.) Otherwise, just because I may visit an area and decide I don’t want to live there or that it’s not going to be a good choice, that doesn’t mean I have failed either. Then there were the times I was relocated over the past ten years to work on a case. That was different – that was a job and I did what had to be done, while making the best of a situation during the process.
The Challenges of Choices
Since we left California we’ve had the freedom and option to go where ever we want (for the most part.) While that’s a wonderful opportunity, it seems to have its own set of challenges as well. On one hand, we are very well traveled and have friends and adopted families all over the country. I absolutely love that! On the flip side of the coin though, it seems difficult knowing where to settle down, because we don’t have any solid ties or roots to any one particular place.
Perhaps this internal struggle of feeling like a failure in some senses is simply the idea that until now, I have not been able to give my daughter the consistency I have wanted to. For the last ten years, we have not lived a typical lifestyle. I don’t believe either of us have any regrets what-so-ever, but like any experience in life, it has its positives and negatives. I have to remind myself that even though I may have fallen short in this area, there are so many opportunities she’s had and things we could not have experienced had I not been undercover so much. Therefore, we have been very blessed in many ways during this journey.
(Perhaps I’m in need of a pep talk, lol!)
And about this consistency thing… just because we haven’t lived in the same house or neighborhood as long as we might like, I’ve done my best to keep other things (the most important things) as consistent as possible for her. She really has learned that “home is where the heart is.” We can go anywhere on a whim and feel right at home, make lots of friends and enjoy whatever is offered. The ability to be so adaptable will serve her well on her own path of law enforcement (or anything else she may choose to do.) So there are many ways that our experiences have helped make her a very well rounded young lady and I’m so excited for her future! Now, I need to get excited about my own future again as well.
The only real failure in life is the failure to try. We are courageous and beautiful and strong when we learn to chase and live out our dreams. Some people are fearful of even dreaming though. Personally, I believe it is because I have been exposed to so much, that I have learned to chase and follow my dreams (which is the complete opposite of running and hiding.) Sort of like the way I grew up – I believe it is because I experienced so much that was wrong and evil that it drove me to the exact opposite direction in life. These are things I am extremely grateful for! So much has been experienced and learned… It is just some of the good God can bring out of bad, and just some of the ways He can use our experiences for His testimony.
Never let life steal your joy or rob your dreams…
Instead, allow even the negative to propel you forward!