I’m Growing Up

November 22, 2011

A Quest For Truth

A scared little girl I am no longer
Helpless and defenseless I cried to my Father.
I needed to be safe, the shadows couldn’t hide me
The boogie men were real, they could always find me.
Unlovable I am, it must be my fault
No one wanted me, that is what I thought.
Nothing I knew except pain and fear
I was only a child, never to laugh or cheer.

A confused teenager I am no longer
So full of anger, I hated both Fathers.
There is hell on earth and demons are real
They torture for amusement, my experiences prove it.
I can’t close my eyes, too much they’ve seen
Numbness has its place – it became me.
A broken Spirit truly feared
Prayed for slaughter – I would adhere.
With tears of blood I’d weep no longer
With despair and agony, I cursed my Father.
A hardened heart can’t be pierced
Not by Satan or God, I thought, for years.

A young woman, I soon became
I made some changes, life’s not the same.
Too tired to fight or even to live
I couldn’t hide and I couldn’t forgive.
Although a believer, chaos engulfed me
Evil and destruction still would follow me.
Circumstances I couldn’t control,
“But, how could this be?” I wondered so.
“For I thought He loved me,” and would make me whole.
So why become a Christian? What is the benefit?
It is to give up my life, so that He can fulfill it.
It is my own reaction that I do control,
It is my reaction that can help me grow.

A secure woman I am today
Love and protection surround me, I’m safe.
I lack some confidence and trust is paralyzing
Acceptance and submission can be terrifying.
With each tear shed my heart is softened
Anger and hate replaced by compassion and knowledge.
God uses each tear as He molds my soul
He is transforming me into the woman you know.
When I’ve fallen to my knees, when my pride has collapsed
His footsteps are no longer beside me, because He is carrying me instead.

Pain has its purpose, it forces me to change
There is natural law, which God has ordained.
Freewill He gives us to sin or to obey
As much as He loves us, He wants our love the same.
Man can be evil, it is his choice to make –
God became a man in Jesus, to show us the way
God became a man in Jesus, out of mercy, not hate.

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  1. Faith As A Choice? « Jessie Jeanine - December 14, 2011

    […] me tell you, there was a time when I was younger that I blamed God for everything. I never understood how a loving God could allow such evil to exist. If He […]

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