In the last post we talked about the importance of time. About how life is too short to waste our time on things of insignificance or on things that are not adding value to our lives. This includes our relationships. While there are areas where we must learn to compromise, we should each have those couple of things that we don’t ever compromise on, out of mere self-love and self-respect.
Don’t settle for less than what you deserve!
What’s Your Love Language?
Personally, my greatest love languages are tied – physical touch and quality time. That means, I feel the most loved by those who I can spend quality time with and who are, in general, just very physically affectionate as well. I’m not referring to just a romantic relationship here, but it does hold especially true in that area. These are simply two of my basic needs and the ways in which I feel loved. Therefore, I shouldn’t compromise or apologize for them, especially within romantic relationships.
Have you ever read “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman? It is an excellent book! Most people show others love in the ways which they most feel loved themselves. Since I began understanding this, it has enabled me to show love to my daughter and others in the best ways possible (once I get to know them). In the ways that they will best receive and feel it instead of just in the ways I’m used to giving it.
This is where I have made mistakes in the past. I have settled for less than what I want or need. I have settled for mediocre love. After everything that happened in California and Hawaii, I am finally caring enough about myself not to do that anymore. In general I am very easy to please, but these are the two things I need the most. However, I think because that is where my boundary line is, I may compromise on too many other things then too.
Wants and Needs
I have remained single for most of my daughter’s life, but I am at the point where I don’t want that anymore. It isn’t that I “need” a man. It is that I “want” a man and best friend to share the rest of my life with. I want that constant companionship and the ability to do most everything together. I’ve got the time and desire to give a relationship my full attention thus, making it a priority for me.
I want to fall as madly in love with the right man as I have been with Christ for the last 16 years. I desire to be loved and cherished as He loves the Church. That is what I believe… and to do so without being controlled or manipulated.
Are my ideals so far removed from today’s society
that there is no hope for this?
Be Someone’s Priority
Not to be confused with lust, but I desire and want deep, passionate, exciting, and comfortable love! I need to be with a partner who “wants” to be with me and who will make time for me on their own accord. I want to be someone’s priority. No one likes to beg for attention or love – it shouldn’t be that way. Life is just too short.
I didn’t survive all I have in life to settle for less than I deserve.
What We All Deserve…
I’m not speaking about what I deserve in way of self entitlement, but we all deserve relationships based upon mutual respect and honesty. We deserve to be loved and appreciated for who we are and the journeys with which we have traveled. We deserve to have our own needs met within a relationship too. It’s about setting a higher standard for ourselves and not settling for a life of mediocrity.
I have never held this perspective before, because I’ve always been so focused on just giving – that is naturally who I am. Perhaps I have thought that if I just give enough of myself to someone (like my entire being!) that I would find love or be loved just as much in return.
I have learned that if we do not love ourselves enough to create boundaries or have a list of “make it” or “break its” though, we can wind up with some very selfish people who will take advantage of a good heart and trusting nature. Eventually, those kinds of relationships will suck you dry.
Passionate Life ~ Passionate Love
I pray that the next decade of my life might make up for the last couple of choosing to be single most of the time. I am a great mom, but that doesn’t mean I can’t search for my husband too. God knows I’ve been praying for him for years! :)
- Do Not Accept Mediocrity in Your Life (lorensworld.com)
- Rediscovering the Genius in Each of Us (blogs.sap.com)
- This Language Of Love (perezmemoir.wordpress.com)
- “Love Languages”: The Secret Ingredient Behind Successful Relationships (kajuensemble.wordpress.com)
- Jesus, John, and the Intimacy of Physical Touch (spiritualfriendship.org)
- TruNews Interviews Dr. Gary Chapman – Five Love Languages (codybateman.org)