Ladies, if you have to question whether or not you are in an abusive relationship… then you probably are. I’m not just talking about dating relationships either, because sometimes we have friendships that are just as controlling and demeaning. The dynamics are the same between the victim and the abuser – it doesn’t matter if you’re married, same-sex friends, or family.
If you are trapped in an abusive and manipulating cycle with someone, especially one with an overly narcissistic personality, then you need to get out – NOW! You are worth so much more than allowing yourself to be someone else’s scapegoat (I don’t care if they claim to be your BFF or not.) Yes, it may be an emotionally difficult thing to go through, but please remember…
If you survived the abuse,
you can survive the healing too.
Personally, I wear my heart on my sleeve and am a very emotional and passionate person. Like anything else, that has its positives and negatives. It means that people like us tend to feel pain and hurt, just as intensely, as we care and love.
Dependency issues aside, that can make it hard to break the cycle and leave a relationship, because a victim will often times feel guilty or worry about hurting their abusers feelings. That’s because the victim is usually a very caring, loving and nurturing type of person (which is a key reason why the abuser chose you to begin with.)
The Abuser is NOT a Victim!
Something that helped me learn to let go of abusive relationships though, was realizing that my perpetrator wasn’t shedding any tears over me like I was them. Once we begin to understand the types of personalities abusers often have, we learn how they don’t feel or think about things in the same ways that we do. We need to realize that they are not hurting inside the same way you and I are. Understanding this helps us to detach.
Some people are just addicted to crisis, chaos and drama too – they thrive off the attention it brings, whether it’s positive or negative. If someone is creating problems where none existed, lies to others behind your back, pretends to be nice or helpful in front of others while sabotaging things in your life when no one else is looking, if they literally blame you for the things they’re doing to you, if they’re so convincing playing the role of a victim that they deserve an Oscar, if they can make you feel like you’re going crazy by playing mind and word games… Then these are just some of the signs that you are in an abusive relationship.
Why the Abuser Counts on You
Also, if that person has an inability to recognize or acknowledge how they’re treating you, or even worse is when they do realize it, but just don’t care – then it is up to you to realize and accept that they are never going to change. In fact, they will count on your kind heart and good nature to keep you coming back to them – they also know that most likely you will forgive them and never retaliate (because after all, even they know you’re not like them.)
How An Abuser Feeds Off Their Victim
We also have to realize that while the logic and reality of a situation makes sense to us and our normal friends, no matter how many times we try to confront or explain things to the abuser, they just won’t get it and don’t care. In fact, they will tend to thrive off any emotional feelings you try to share, as they are experts at finding your weaknesses and insecurities so they can play them against you.
This usually happens slowly and little by little so that we just brush it off at first or learn to make excuses for them – but then before we know it and without even realizing it, we have become dependent upon the unhealthy aspects of the relationship, always trying to explain ourselves and justify the perps actions.
There Is Hope…
If you are in an abusive relationship – I pray that you have the courage to get out. You are stronger than you think! I don’t care how many years you’ve felt trapped there either – it doesn’t have to end that way! It doesn’t matter to what degree either, because abuse is abuse! You could be a teenager in high school who’s being bullied or someone who’s been in a twisted relationship for years now – it does not matter.
You can reclaim your life and learn to live without fear! Healing and breaking the cycle of abuse is possible, but it starts with you. I know, because I’ve been there and have helped put several jerks (men and women) in prison, both in my personal life and professionally. YOU CAN GET HELP! YOU CAN ESCAPE! YOU CAN BE FREE! My love, prayers and heart go out to all of you – HUGS!
We can’t break free until we are able to realize our own self-worth and make the decision not to allow another person to treat us that way. It is up to us how much we allow. I love the latest quote from “The Fault In Our Stars…”
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
- EXPOSED! (jessiejeanine)
- Empowering Ourselves to Overcome Abuse by Kathleen Pooler (clara54.wordpress.com)
- Victim-Blaming vs. Owning our Agency & Power in Abusive Relationships. ~ Shahida Arabi (elephantjournal.com)
- Why Does it Take So Long? Emotional Healing after Narcissistic Abuse (letmereach.com)
- Vivian Norris: Breaking the Silence: The Media and Male Sexual Abuse (huffingtonpost.com)
- The Vampire’s Bite: Victims of Narcissists Speak Out (psychologytoday.com)
- 5 Sneaky Things Narcissists Do To Take Advantage Of You (thoughtcatalog.com)