Abusive Relationships

September 6, 2014

Articles, Soul Seeds

Ladies, if you have to question whether or not you are in an abusive relationship… then you probably are. I’m not just talking about dating relationships either, because sometimes we have friendships that are just as controlling and demeaning. The dynamics are the same between the victim and the abuser – it doesn’t matter if you’re married, same-sex friends, or family.

If you are trapped in an abusive and manipulating cycle with someone, especially one with an overly narcissistic personality, then you need to get out – NOW! You are worth so much more than allowing yourself to be someone else’s scapegoat (I don’t care if they claim to be your BFF or not.) Yes, it may be an emotionally difficult thing to go through, but please remember…

If you survived the abuse,
you can survive the healing too.

Internal Conflicts

Personally, I wear my heart on my sleeve and am a very emotional and passionate person. Like anything else, that has its positives and negatives. It means that people like us tend to feel pain and hurt, just as intensely, as we care and love.

Dependency issues aside, that can make it hard to break the cycle and leave a relationship, because a victim will often times feel guilty or worry about hurting their abusers feelings. That’s because the victim is usually a very caring, loving and nurturing type of person (which is a key reason why the abuser chose you to begin with.)

The Abuse Cycle

The Abuser is NOT a Victim!

Something that helped me learn to let go of abusive relationships though, was realizing that my perpetrator wasn’t shedding any tears over me like I was them. Once we begin to understand the types of personalities abusers often have, we learn how they don’t feel or think about things in the same ways that we do. We need to realize that they are not hurting inside the same way you and I are. Understanding this helps us to detach.

Some people are just addicted to crisis, chaos and drama too – they thrive off the attention it brings, whether it’s positive or negative. If someone is creating problems where none existed, lies to others behind your back, pretends to be nice or helpful in front of others while sabotaging things in your life when no one else is looking, if they literally blame you for the things they’re doing to you, if they’re so convincing playing the role of a victim that they deserve an Oscar, if they can make you feel like you’re going crazy by playing mind and word games… Then these are just some of the signs that you are in an abusive relationship.

the-cycle-of-abuse

Why the Abuser Counts on You

Also, if that person has an inability to recognize or acknowledge how they’re treating you, or even worse is when they do realize it, but just don’t care – then it is up to you to realize and accept that they are never going to change. In fact, they will count on your kind heart and good nature to keep you coming back to them – they also know that most likely you will forgive them and never retaliate (because after all, even they know you’re not like them.)

What We Allow

How An Abuser Feeds Off Their Victim

We also have to realize that while the logic and reality of a situation makes sense to us and our normal friends, no matter how many times we try to confront or explain things to the abuser, they just won’t get it and don’t care. In fact, they will tend to thrive off any emotional feelings you try to share, as they are experts at finding your weaknesses and insecurities so they can play them against you.

This usually happens slowly and little by little so that we just brush it off at first or learn to make excuses for them – but then before we know it and without even realizing it, we have become dependent upon the unhealthy aspects of the relationship, always trying to explain ourselves and justify the perps actions.

There Is Hope…

If you are in an abusive relationship – I pray that you have the courage to get out. You are stronger than you think! I don’t care how many years you’ve felt trapped there either – it doesn’t have to end that way! It doesn’t matter to what degree either, because abuse is abuse! You could be a teenager in high school who’s being bullied or someone who’s been in a twisted relationship for years now – it does not matter.

You can reclaim your life and learn to live without fear! Healing and breaking the cycle of abuse is possible, but it starts with you. I know, because I’ve been there and have helped put several jerks (men and women) in prison, both in my personal life and professionally. YOU CAN GET HELP! YOU CAN ESCAPE! YOU CAN BE FREE! My love, prayers and heart go out to all of you – HUGS!

Soul Seeds

We can’t break free until we are able to realize our own self-worth and make the decision not to allow another person to treat us that way. It is up to us how much we allow. I love the latest quote from “The Fault In Our Stars…”

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”

, , , , , , , , , , ,

Subscribe & Socialize

FEED YOUR SOUL ~ FOLLOW ME HERE!

9 Comments on “Abusive Relationships”

  1. brianwilliamsen Says:

    Good post. I would only add that this advice should also go out to men, too. I have seen plenty of cases where women are the abusive personality in the relationship!

    ‘Some people are just addicted to crisis, chaos and drama too – they thrive off the attention it brings, whether it’s positive or negative. If someone is creating problems where none existed, lies to others behind your back, pretends to be nice or helpful in front of others while sabotaging things in your life when no one else is looking, if they literally blame you for the things they’re doing to you, if they’re so convincing playing the role of a victim that they deserve an Oscar, if they can make you feel like you’re going crazy by playing mind and word games… Then these are just some of the signs that you are in an abusive relationship.’

    You are absolutely right. If that’s your relationship, and you’re not married – get out! If you are married, seek help right away.

    Reply

    • Jessie Jeanine Says:

      Absolutely agreed Brian! I’ve met plenty of guys who were in abusive relationships too, and just about nothing gets my goat more than ladies who take advantage of good men. It is definitely a two way street.

      Reply

      • brianwilliamsen Says:

        Either way, it’s something that can destroy a person’s entire sense of self-worth. All the more reason to hold tightly to God’s promises and look to Him more than anything. Have a good one Jessie! Always enjoy your posts.

        Reply

  2. Sunshinebright Says:

    Reblogged this on Sunshinebright and commented:
    Excellent advice from someone who has been there.

    Reply

  3. Cherilyn Clough Says:

    Wow! Lots of powerful truth packed into this one. I wish all my friends would read and understand these concepts. Have a great weekend Jessie Jeanine!

    Reply

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Give Yourself Permission | Jessie Jeanine - October 6, 2014

    […] from my little brother too, in order to help protect him.) For some reason, I became the families scapegoat though, and I would still be that to all of them today, if I wouldn’t have broken the chains […]

  2. More Stuff From Crying Out for Justice Blog - Nyssa's Hobbit Hole - September 9, 2014

    […] Abusive Relationships […]

Share Your Thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: