Beautifully Broken

April 23, 2015

Articles, Inspiration

I'm So Beautifully Broken

Yes, I am.

 

Humbled and Loved

Even in my absence during the last two months, the stats show you’ve continued to stop by regularly. Then surprisingly enough, my last post saying that I quit writing brought just as much traffic as the story Kidnapped once did. Instead of getting a bunch of comments here, I’ve been getting private emails and messages on Facebook and LinkedIn. And oh, my friends… I am so grateful for all of you!

I don’t really want to quit writing. To be honest, it was more of a cry for some support and encouragement than anything else I guess. I’ve been gone for too long, so much has been happening, and oh my goodness for the struggles…!

For the first time since being a teenager, I have truly felt hopeless and come the closest to giving up on life as I ever have. Normally, I am fueled by life’s challenges, but during the last couple of years I have seemed to grow so very tired.

I think my girl stated it beautifully yesterday when she encouraged me by saying, “It’s OK mom, we’ll fight and get through it, cause that’s what we do best!” I broke down in tears then (been doing a lot of that lately) and replied with “I know honey, I’m just really tired of having to be so good at it.”

 

I asked...

“I am a SURVIVOR and I’m damn good at it.
One day, I’d like to learn how to LIVE again instead.”

 

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13 Comments on “Beautifully Broken”

  1. Wendell A. Brown Says:

    Jessie, I smile at your return, sending many spiritual hugs from afar! Hugs and blessings!

    Reply

  2. tonyasmithauthor Says:

    Glad you are back Jessie! You were meant to be where you are and do exactly what you are doing for this moment in time. GOD’s timing for our lives is never wrong and his purposes are always right for our lives. Love you Jessie and I am really glad you are back my friend!

    Reply

  3. soulblindministry Says:

    Why is a child’s chaos so wonderful? Because it is not chaos without reason, it is simply their joy of discovery that makes their young lives so wonderful. Joy & laughter is the minds reward for unraveling mysteries and a child’s life is a constant stream of such rewarding moments. There is so much wonder they need to know and experience and yet it is also beautiful to behold.

    It is only when we think we have it all figured out that the sadness of control creeps into our lives. The more pressures we have to be a certain way we build up defenses and shrink our world into a tiny place without much wiggle room, and this is the prison of the soul that seeks salvation (IE: Freedom)

    As you compartmentalize your life into smaller and smaller boxes of understanding you then restrict the occupant of your soul’s house called the “spirit”. Where the soul is structured like a building made of many truths, the spirit is viscos, vital and flows. The Bible compares it to living waters as it plays the mother within us that gives life. When the vitality of your understanding stagnates it poisons your soul, and if it does not flow like living waters it becomes as death in the spirit.

    Consider your spirit to be like a river channeled to one place for too long. It is good for taking care of its ends but it does nothing for the rest of the world around it that too needs hope. So sometimes you need to have a little chaos in you and be like a child and make a little bit of a mess of things. Consider it being like a beaver that has made a damn in your little river of the spirit. By stopping one constant flow you create an overflow that pours out into all kinds of new places that were once thought dead and now suddenly find new life. What I am trying to say is that in your need to control your world for safety reasons you may have also imprisoned your joy at the same time. Maybe what is really needed here a little less control of the things that have a life of their own that don’t need constant control and supervision?

    The Hindu goddess Kali is an image you may also know as the “Phoenix” or as “taking up your cross daily”. Through destruction comes new life. In other words you need to die to yourself daily. Give up yesterday so that each day you may be fresh and new. Live in the forever now filled with promise and wonder. This is hard for many because there is always the fear of losing control, but don’t worry you know control already, you’re a mom, you won’t lose the important parts of you. But remember that not everything has to be perfect. Sometimes life has to get a little messy so it can then get washed wonderfully clean again and again. Death; rebirth; renewal… daily. So try to break free and ride down the river and embrace the mother of life flowing inside, and most importantly try and enjoy the view.

    Reply

  4. menuchaprojekt Says:

    Klaus Bockmühl wrote in his quiet time book from 21.04.1989: “You have a place in the heart of God which nobody else can fill. This is unconditional love.”
    be blessed

    Reply

  5. Army of Angels Says:

    I’m glad you didn’t quit…you are a warrior!

    Reply

  6. Ranting Crow Says:

    We survive everyday competing with quitting hoping to come out on top. Dragging a past with us that won’t let us go.
    Now me does not know everything. But to live again, cut with the past. we can’t change it. But we can start anew and make a better future living. Recycle the emotions and feelings, turn them into words of fiction and write. Learn from them so hopefully we won’t make the same mistake again.

    Just an idea of life I live. And smile each and every day. Knowing full well It could be worse i have lived worse and I do not want to go back.
    Just a thought of a silly old crow.

    Smile it suits you best.

    Reply

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