Do you ever fake that things are OK, when in reality, everything’s falling apart?
Are you in the habit of pretending like you don’t have any problems or that everything is perfect?
Maybe you pretend to have the perfect life…
The perfect relationship with the perfect spouse,
The perfect kids with the perfect grades,
The perfect job with the perfect boss,
Or the perfect house… in the perfect neighborhood… with the perfect pets… where even the crap is so perfect it doesn’t seem to stink.
Further more, does being perfect mean keeping up with the Joneses? Or does keeping up with the Joneses make you perfect? Here’s a little secret… Their crap stinks too! What I’ve come to realize is that some of us are just better at covering up the mess than others are.
I think it’s natural for us to feel and want to behave this way sometimes though, even if we don’t normally make a habit of it.
Why We Play Make Believe
On one hand, we don’t want to complain and need to learn how to smile through the pain, because there’s great value and life lessons to be learned by going through that whole process. Often times, those are experiences and opportunities which help to build and shape our character on many different levels by teaching us things like compassion, patience, strength, persistence, and so forth.
are more valuable than life’s triumphs.
Or we might pretend like everything’s perfect out of mere survival. After all, the desire to avoid pain is only human. Most of us have a natural instinct to protect ourselves and those around us, so we rather avoid pain at all cost. If unrecognized however, it can lead to denial.
Maybe we don’t ask for help simply because we worry about being a burden to someone else. Or maybe we struggle with feelings of shame, guilt and being humble enough to ask.
Unfortunately, and perhaps the most extreme reason we avoid transparency during our times of need is for fear of someone trying to take advantage of us when we’re at our weakest and most vulnerable. Sadly enough, there are people like that all around… Predators waiting to pounce like a hungry tiger with the first drop of blood shed. Survivors of abuse seem to struggle with this the most often, which we’ve talked about before. It really is uncanning and true ~ If you put a perp in a room with 100 other people, he will automatically zero in on the only 1 person who’s been a victim of abuse. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to fall victim again though ~ Hallelujah!
When Perfection Becomes a Handicap
So, I’ve been talked to before about not being transparent enough when help is needed. I’m normally not one to ask for things I may need for many of the same reasons, but then someone said something that sunk in a couple of years ago, so I’ve been trying to get better at it. They simply pointed out that ~ How is anyone suppose to know when help is needed unless we ask for it. Seems simple, right?
Also, I’ve learned that when troubles are brewing, most people will just assume someone else is stepping up to help when in reality, there may be no one at all.
So, it’s taken me awhile to understand that it truly is a missed opportunity
for BOTH sides when we don’t ask for help.
While being both a realist and an optimist, I believe and have a great deal of faith also. Therefor, I always do my best to focus on and find the positive in every situation. That may be great and all too, but sometimes it can leave people with the wrong impression ~ That perhaps things really aren’t that bad (when they are) and no worries, she’ll be OK, she always is.
Then sometimes the more battles you’ve survived, the more people might (unknowingly) take that for granted in the same way, all be it, not intentionally. They might think that help really isn’t needed, because somehow, someway, Jessie always makes it work, she always gets it done, she always finds a way. Let me tell you something… While that may be true to an extent, it isn’t really because of me. It’s because of YOU! It is absolutely, without question, because of all the incredible people God puts in our path just like guardian angels. In reality, it’s because of Him.
No More Pretending
So, while it has been such a blessing for us to get back here, you should know that it’s definitely been a struggle. Even though I don’t talk about what’s going on behind the scenes very much in a negative sense, because I’m always trying to inspire, uplift and give hope… I’ll spill the beans regarding some of our personal struggles during these past few months. And regarding our silence (in part) I’ve discovered how blogging/writing can be difficult to do when inspiration and giving hope is the main goal, because I’m not always feeling that way. It’s a hard balance to find sometimes. So, now I’ll share just a few of the mole hills and mountains we’ve had to climb to get us where we are now.
- After spending months with another speaker and author with the promise and hope of first going to New Zealand to head up workshops, then do a tour in the States, as well as editing and publishing my book, I had to end it all and didn’t get to do any of those things. It turns out (as it usually does) that he wanted a lot more than I did.
- We ended up rooming with a criminal and another total creeper, which I posted about on FB.
- Someone siphoned the gas out of my car and about 4 others right before we left SB. I think my FB post read something like “So, the police are lifting finger prints from my gas tank as we speak. To the idiot(s) responsible ~ I hope you frick’en choked while siphoning my tank!”
- Perhaps the toughest blow was having to pay double rent for two months during our transition down here, so my girl could stay in school and work, plus we paid a hefty deposit on the new place. And yet…
- The previous tenant of our new place in SD kind of skipped out on our landlord… The place was basically trashed, but he didn’t know it and almost everything was broken. So, after arriving with a uhaul that had to sit in storage, we slept on the floor for almost 2 weeks and helped fix the place back up. It was so bad, our landlord had to replace the carpet even and we got sick. I knew it’d be worth getting through though, because he and his wife are really great people and I feel very blessed for our connection. They’re brand new at renting properties out themselves, so I know what that’s like and could relate.
- A couple of weeks ago I became a victim of identity theft AGAIN. That’s twice now with the same bank and talk about a mess! Everyone is being great about it, including the financial institutions, but talk about a pain in the ass. To who ever made themselves at home for a week in an upscale San Diego hotel on my dime… Thank you! I was actually excited though, because we thought I caught early enough that we were going to get to knock on the hotel door and arrest them on the spot (that’s always fun) if I could just track them down quick enough. No problem, as they weren’t very good at concealment, so it only took about 4 hours. However, it seems the charges were already being held in deliberation with my bank to begin with, so the pending actually happened much earlier than originally thought. It’s another open case.
- Then my daughter finally gets a transfer to go through at her work from SB to SD and everything was great… Until, she was basically pushed out after arriving here. The most painful part of course, is how incredibly hard she worked to get where she was! She wound up having to accept a job for a lot less pay and without benefits where as, she had acquired those things already where she was. So, now she’s starting over again too. I keep telling her, that just means this time it’s going to be even better!
- Then I recently got so sick during the last couple of weeks that I thought they were going to put me in the hospital again.
- I’ve also had two contract offers which I accepted for business, but then cancelled last minute, as they became too dangerous. Some things just aren’t worth the money anymore!
- Finally, the car we got from Hawaii did NOT pass emissions this week, so it has needed a bunch of work. Talk about timing! It’s the same problems as when I purchased it however, I believe this time we’ve finally got people working on it who are more than competent and seem to be acting as our guardian angels :)
So, for as much crap as we sometimes go through or negative things that happen, good things happen too! I’ll be writing more about the outcome of some of this stuff soon, because there’s a positive side to everything as well, and those are the good things everyone wants to hear about. Just know that most of these challenges created great financial stress as well.
In the meantime, when changes happen that are difficult to accept or impossible to understand, hopefully we can be comforted and find rest in believing that it just means God has something better in store for us. It’s what I cling to. It’s what I believe. It’s how I live.
It’s called FAITH.
*We Need Your Immediate Help Please!*
In the end, we’re still about $600 short for rent this month and I don’t want to create a GoFundMe Campaign for this. I cannot express how much we would appreciate any help or referrals you may have to get us through this period please. You can use the PayPal button on the bottom of this site although, you don’t need a PayPal account to do it. We are finally settled, both employed, in school, and making new friends, so things are going really well in spite of all the crazy things that have happened. I know we’ll be able to manage here if we can just get back on our feet again. Lots of love and hugs for all your support friends!
- When God Says It’s Time ~ Seeking new opportunities for a good cause. (jessiejeanine.com)
- Taking Risks… Personally and Professionally (jessiejeanine.com)
- When Gratitude Doesn’t Seem Like Enough (jessiejeanine.com)