So, I never really had a list of ‘must haves’ before, until I spent some time on various dating websites. It’s taken a lot of years and painful lessons to realize that without them, my choices for whom to have personal relationships with would continue to be poor. Love really is blind, for I truly believed in the romantic notion that it alone could be enough. We must reach a point where we love and respect ourselves enough that we set some standards and create boundaries, so that we never accept less than what we deserve.
Here are the top 15 things I am looking for in a man:
- He’s a Man of Faith ~ My faith and Christianity are very important to me. I’m non-denominational although, he doesn’t have to be, so long as he’s a believer too. To me, being a Christian simply means that I’m a follower of Christ, I believe in God and the Bible is His Living Word (the Truth). I simply try to treat others as Jesus would and that’s about it. I really do think it’s just that simple sometimes. I’m not interested in being converted to anyone’s particular religion ever again or being so consumed by the legalities of it that we forget how to love people the way Jesus demonstrated during His time on earth. I’m an evangelist by nature ~ I don’t create walls and barriers, but rather, help others to see beyond them.
- He’s My Best Friend ~ And I am his. He is my greatest confidant and I am his biggest fan. We are each other’s greatest source of strength, inspiration and happiness.
- He Enjoys Communicating ~While I wasn’t able to continue my college education, I’ve more than earned a PhD in LIFE and possess plenty of charm, wit and sass. I don’t care if he’s as articulate or charismatic, but conversation between us should come very easy, whether it’s playful banter or something on much deeper levels. I absolutely believe communication is the most important key to a relationship.
- He is Honest ~ He is a man of his word. He says as he does and does as he says. He realizes the importance of keeping a promise or has learned its better not to make any. Above everything else, I should never doubt that I can trust him. He’s a man of great integrity.
- He’s a Leader ~ He is confident and capable of asserting his authority when need be although, he isn’t arrogant or cocky. He has learned the only way to be a great leader or teacher is to first be a great student.
- He’s Emotionally Available ~ Let’s face it, just read some of my posts and you’ll be able to tell that I’m a very passionate and emotional person. While my personality can do well with one of more stability and logic, I still need him to be able to make an emotional connection with me. With true passion comes emotion gentlemen and you can’t have one without the other, but no worries, as emotion doesn’t necessarily mean drama either. I don’t do drama!
- He’s Reliable & Consistent ~ I’ve never considered myself high maintenance, so it’s not that I need a lot however, my personality is most compatible with someone who wants to be together most of the time (heck, I’d even enjoy working with my partner as well!) In the end though, quality to me does not necessarily equate quantity, but rather consistency.
- He’s Sexual ~ He’s very physically affectionate and isn’t afraid of a little PDA. He’s romantic, attentive, healthy, active, interested, curious, playful, confident, but most importantly he desires sexual intimacy at least as much as I do!
- He’s Not Selfish ~ He is a giver by nature and believes in paying it forward.
- He’s Stable & Dependable ~I don’t really care what he does, as long as he’s employed and makes a living. Preferably, he’s happy in his own career by now and views any income that I’m able to bring into the home as a bonus and not a necessity. He is responsible and capable of handling things with or without my help. He is someone I can depend on in various ways.
- He’s Fun & Adventurous ~ He enjoys staying in just as much as ‘planning’ a spontaneous adventure, lol! He enjoys learning new things, exploring and laughing often. Ultimately, he believes it’s not so much about what we’re doing as who we’re doing it with.
- He Loves to Travel Often! ~ There’s no doubt that I have a traveler’s soul. While having a home base is wonderful, I yearn to continue exploring the world with my partner and camera in hand. Hopefully, we share some other interests as well such as photography, literature, the outdoors, camping, fishing, hiking, rock climbing, dancing, music, movies, business/networking, charities/fundraisers, etc.
- He is Supportive ~ He encourages and challenges me in all the right ways, as I do him. He genuinely wants me to succeed at my goals and be the best person I can be, because he understands it’s going to benefit him as well.
- He’s Compassionate & Empathetic ~ He is a very caring soul with a warm heart. He genuinely and naturally cares about other people and their feelings.
- He WANTS Me ~ He is genuinely interested in me as a person. He actually needs, wants and desires me. For, there’s no worse feeling in the world than having to beg for someone’s time, love and attention.
So, am I asking for too much? I don’t think so, because I don’t expect more than I’m willing to give either. And while I might say these are the things I’m looking for overall, it’s OK if he doesn’t embody this entire list, because that’s what ‘make it’ or ‘break its’ are for which is a much smaller list consisting of those few things that I’m just not willing to compromise on anymore (we’ll save that list for another time though!) I hope, pray and imagine we’ll have amazing chemistry… Intellectually, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I think that’s when you know you’ve got the whole package!
For the Sake of Love
Thinking back… With some of the things that have happened in my life, I didn’t understand how I wound up with a few of the people that I did. Mind you, I never stayed with the creeps for very long once their true colors were revealed, as I’ve got no tolerance for illegal, insane, abusive or corrupted souls. But, now I understand those choices were for lack of setting higher standards for myself.
While on one hand, as a survivor, I believed I deserved better (hence, getting them out of my life so quickly) on the opposite hand, as a victim, I really thought that because so many bad and terrible things had happened TO me, that I could never attract anyone who was truly good then either. I really felt like bad things had made me damaged goods to the extent that I could only attract bad people after that (does that makes sense?) I know there’s a lot of victims and survivors out there who can totally relate to those thoughts and feelings.
Now, my friends… Currently… I believe much different.
I am a good woman who deserves a damn good man in return!
You must believe that you are WORTHY
and DESERVING of all that is good!
Successful healthy relationships will always require compromise yet, if we don’t find ways to have our specific individual needs met within that relationship, it’s never going to last or be what we hoped for. Making a list of what we want, need, and desire in a potential partner seems essential. I wish someone would have told me that years ago, lol! It seems so simple now, but I think the younger we are, the more caught up we get in the feelings part of it versus the practical. We may love someone with every fiber of our being, but that doesn’t mean it would make for a good partnership or marriage.
It’s kind of like the saying, “If you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything.” Well, sadly enough that was me in prior relationships and while we are free to change our minds along the way, we still have to live with the consequences of our choices ~ Sometimes those consequences have life lasting, altering effects.
The good news is that once we have a basic idea of what we’re looking for and can answer questions like “Why am I dating?” or “What is the purpose?” then the whole dating process should help us tailor that list moving forward, hopefully bringing us closer and closer to what we really want and have imagined. I think too many of us just date to date, instead of dating with a purpose.
Never settle for less than what you deserve!
Finally, the best advice I can give when exploring and developing friendships and relationships (whether old or new) is to believe someone the first time they show you their true colors. It’s just that simple. People’s actions always speak louder than words, so believe them when they show you who they really are and what’s most important to them, versus what they may be saying.
- Not Your Mediocre Love By Jessie Jeanine
- 50 Shades of Crazy (things I learned from online dating) By Jessie Jeanine
- 50 Shades of Crazy (my online dating profile) By Jessie Jeanine