So, I have all the pieces to this wonderful jigsaw puzzle, I just don’t know how to put it all together, and perhaps that’s because I’m not sure of what the final masterpiece (picture) is supposed to look like. While the process seems amazingly complicated, my gut says that the outcome is rather simple, making it more beautiful than I can even imagine.
*This is the only time I plan on writing a post like this.
Often times, people who hold positions within the federal government, military and law enforcement arenas possess very specific skill sets. While this is excellent for the field, it can make the transition to regular civilian life very difficult. This might be hard to understand unless your actually in such a position yourself, but I’ll tell you what ~ I’m a big supporter of programs who help make the process easier for us when the time comes!
So, I’m an author, speaker and photographer now but to be honest, I still feel too spread out and all over the place. I’ve always been a ‘Jill of all Trades’ type, which just seems to be a prerequisite for any single mom and also served me well while working undercover, but… While its neat to be great at a lot of different things, it keeps you from mastering just one. I’m at a point in life where I’d really like to master something instead, besides just surviving (literally.) Then again, what is it they say…?
That very thing you hate the most about yourself
and are always trying to change ~
THAT is who you are, it is your strength and your gift;
and to deny it, is to deny yourself.
To Write or Not To Write
It feels like I’ve got all these pieces, a wonderful 41 year old collection of treasures, but don’t know what the hell to do with them now.
Take the example of writing a book if you will… I’ve got a timeline, broken down chapters, too many stories to even fit and all kinds of lessons learned, but I don’t know how to piece it all together… Or how much, if any, that I even want to tell anymore.
Also, a lot of research helped me create a couple different outlines and great ideas from a business perspective, but… I don’t know which way to go or which one to choose. Should it be one book or two? Maybe a .99 series instead? Or I could use the stories literally just to draw traffic and have an online storybook? Certainly I’ve been responsible for making much bigger decisions than this! I’ve got so much stuff written out and ready to go… I just don’t know how to put it all together or what to do with it now. Know what I mean?
Or maybe I’m tired of telling my story, making it time to just focus on something else like photography instead ~ I’ve got a library of photographs just waiting to be published! It’s what I wanted to start with originally, but had fears, thinking it’d be much harder to make a living that way. Also, if I have a sick day due to rare diseases that I’ve not yet come public with, I might end up having to cancel a shoot or even worse, a speaking engagement, which means no income then. Where as, if I can develop a way to make residual income instead by say, writing and doing something online (wink, wink) then hell, I could do that from bed even if I’d have to!
The time has finally come…
How the Hell Does One Know How to Package Themselves?
Can someone please help me bring these things together more? Or maybe they’re not supposed to and I just need to pick one to focus on (hence, the thoughts of possibly focusing just on photography now.) I’ve always thought the best idea was to have a website where everything could be rolled into one ~ My faith, poetry (mostly Christian based), photography (including erotica), travel, life stories (which are pretty horrible), blessings and lessons learned (encouraging, edifying, positive, and helpful), book sales, individual sponsorships/fundraising, speaking videos, etc. But, then again, perhaps not…
It just doesn’t seem to all flow together yet. It feels like I’ve lived these separate lives and in ways, I have. Yet, whenever I speak, it all seems to come together perfectly. I’m much more effective and helpful to people in person too it seems. But once again, even within the speaking arena, I don’t have any set speech or anything either like most speakers do ~ They will tell a story with a beginning, middle and end like a presentation, but I don’t. It’s the same with writing the book ~ I just don’t know how to put a story together that way. I also speak with so many different types of groups that I never know what I’m going to say until we get started (hence, the nerves!) Instead, I get a feeling for who I’m with and what they’re needs are, then I’m able to find things which will be relatable and appropriate for whatever it is we need to deal with. So many people keep saying what a gift it is to be able to do that, but it feels more like a curse at times and can be rather frustrating.
Basically, I just don’t know how to make the transition from beginning, to middle, to end. It isn’t my strength. Also, the longer I blog or try to self promote, the more it feels like whining about our problems online and that’s not how this is supposed to go. I think that happens just because of trying to keep up content flow, but I still don’t like it. And I probably do make for a better content specialist than a PR specialist, as I obviously love to write and ramble on, lol!
This is where the web guy is waiting for my call now. What do I want with the new sites? I know what kind of platform I’m after and what I hope to achieve, but I don’t know how to pull it all together. That’s why I tried separating everything into different websites too, but that didn’t work well either. Or maybe I create and manage an online magazine of sorts which includes not only my stuff, but invites others to join as well (now that sounds interesting!)
*I need someone who can help look at all my strengths and weaknesses
and figure out how to make the best use of where I’m at now.
What it’s Like
Imagine, if you will… Suddenly losing your family (in essence, an empty-nester), you have no spouse, your physically unable to maintain a 15 year career due to health issues (for the 2nd time, no less, due to a rare eye and neurological disease), PLUS you lose (or gave up) your home, life’s belongings and even your pets! That’s a whole lot of loss in a very short time and what I’ve been going through these last couple of years. Not surprisingly, I experienced the denial, grief and anger stages, but it’s time to move on. For as much as one can try to prepare, I’ve had to learn how to embrace all these changes at once. It’s as if I lost my entire life… One positive part about it all is that once I gain some direction and focus again, I’m all in and go nuts!
*I’d absolutely appreciate and love hearing your ideas, advice, or direction you may have!
Please feel free to email as well, if you rather keep things private.
The time is finally here where new websites are being sponsored and built-in which, I couldn’t be more grateful, but now I have to figure out how to put it all together or exactly what it is that I want to do. It seems funny to have waited so long, only to have lost(?) or not be able to answer people’s questions regarding what I need now.