I have all these ideas, but they’ve never seemed
or IMPORTANT enough to
Make a difference,
Make a change,
Or make a living with…
So, I haven’t done them.
At least not where blogging and being online are concerned. Instead, I’ve waited, trying to figure out how to grow them or make them bigger, so they could seem more useful and like worthwhile pursuits.
Now I realize how fucking ass backwards that is.
Greatness often comes from small things.
Perhaps it’s been that fear of failure I’ve always harbored? Or rather, a fear of success. Funny, I don’t mind failing BIG because it seems like it’s worth the risk, effort and time then, but to waste it on tiny ideas instead…?
Well, when thinking like that means you don’t even try to run with the rest of your ideas, that you wind up just doing nothing with them… That doesn’t get you anywhere either.
When I became an evangelist and up through the creation of this website, I was supported mostly by people of faith. Oh, how hard it is to walk that line in today’s world… So, God forbid if I should reveal too much or insert a cuss word to help further illustrate a point or for added emphasis from time to time. Even after the publication of Kidnapped, I had a couple people contact and advise me that surely I could tell that story without the use of any profanity, because it was the ‘Christian’ thing to do. What…? Are you kidding me!? There is a time and place for everything and I will tell you that there is no way to rewrite certain things, to be able to take you there with me as a reader, then to voice it how I have. And you know what… That story brought more visits and touched more people than anything I’ve ever written. It was real and gut wrenching, memory after memory (actually, we scaled it back and left a lot out) but I spilled my guts for my readers, for other victims, for the world to read. It was the best move I ever made with this blog.
Yet, in the final edits of that story, I still cut out what I could and what one might find offensible basically, so I wouldn’t lose financial support. There are times when you have to do what you have to do to make it and that’s what I’ve done (to a certain extent.) But, I’m not willing to do it that way anymore. And btw, I’m not talking about having a lapse in judgement either for, one still needs to know when and where things might, or might not be, deemed appropriate.
Don’t just find your voice… free it!
There are specific things that have been happening in my life, in our lives, that are forcing me to figure out and learn how to accept who I really am, and by that I mean ALL of me. My daughter said it best when she asked me the very same thing I’ve asked of others ~ “Why in the world would you want to belong to a church, congregation or religion that doesn’t accept you for who you are?” After all, isn’t that what I’ve always preached? Isn’t that the heart of evangelism, as I’ve told it… accepting people where they’re at? Well, touché dear one, because indeed it is!
I always feel a need to back this up by also stating that we’re still to discern and protect what God has given us, so that doesn’t mean we allow certain people or things into our lives either, or within our personal circles that are harmful or unhealthy.
So, if you are that offended or think I’m going to hell because I might cuss, am divorced or go out for a drink… If this means I’m going to lose your follow, shares or support ~ Then while I don’t agree with it, I can understand and respect your decision. I will tell you without a doubt though that I am a Christian and a good person, but I am not perfect and God didn’t come here for those who think they are. I’m a damn good woman, articulate, intelligent, extremely creative when I’m not being stifled or overly stressed, and perhaps too empathetic at times. I cry a lot, laugh a lot, pray a lot and lately in life… Say fuck a lot. I’m one hot, beautiful mess who will give you the shirt off my back, but I won’t put up with shit. I will encourage, push and support you to make ALL your dreams come true, because we each deserve that. And if my honesty, loyalty, leadership and love aren’t enough of a good example for you, then please feel free to find that perfect mold somewhere else.
You know, I’ve spent my entire life trying to fit into someone else’s mold ~ Whether it be yours, or the world’s idea of what a ‘good’ Christian should look like, or whatever the government needed me to play in order to put someone’s ass in jail, or the self-imposed ‘perfect mother’ mold that ultimately we seem to fail miserably at regardless of all our good intentions…
But, I wasn’t created to fit into some mold, idea or perception of who YOU think I should be. That is what God’s gift to us, ‘the freedom of choice’ is all about. It’s about our uniqueness and harnessing all the beauty He made you to be. We are here to serve, to love, to give, to share, to embrace ourselves and each other where we’re at while always striving to become better.
“As leaders aren’t we to be good role models?” Absolutely! If all the ways in which I help others, give and volunteer aren’t enough to make me a good leader… If using my natural gifts to support, encourage and motivate others to reach their goals and achieve their dreams isn’t enough for you… If you can’t handle that I’m learning to embrace all that I am instead of being one of the hypocrites you see praying in the pew yet, giving you the finger in the parking lot on the way out just because you might have taken their spot or accidentally cut them off… Then feel free to follow someone else, because I’m not doing things your way anymore.
I’m going to start doing this how I’ve felt led to from the beginning… The same way I lead groups, because I’m always asked to stay longer, come back or offered jobs. Therefore, I must be doing something right… I’m doing things the way I evangelize, because it’s those very moral, values, beliefs, perspectives and concepts which allow me to have such an impact and awesome connection with people in the first place. You may not like my life’s experiences or may even choose to judge me because of them, but it’s only in the sharing of all those experiences that I’ve been able to help people to live better lives, makes changes and come to know God’s love the way it was meant to be. It’s literally the very way and reason churches were paying me to work for them and why businesses have invited me in… So why in the hell did I change my approach, or try to alter that gift, or water it down for you here? If I don’t continue to allow God to use all He’s given me, then what was the purpose of surviving it all? If I only keep it to myself, then it can’t become HIS story instead.
So, if you’re going to follow this blog or continue to, especially after we switch platforms… Then you have to know that you’re following one fucking awesome woman who has survived more than anyone should ever have to, so I have a lot to give! I’m extremely passionate about life and people ~ I will not judge you based upon religion, political beliefs or sexual orientation and ask the same of you ~ I’m as loyal and protective as they come ~ I love chocolate, salt and playing in the rain ~ Sometimes I kiss beautiful women ~ I’ve been known to put a few corrupt leaders in jail ~ I have a heart of gold, love animals and wish unicorns were real ~ I’ll kick you in the ass and tell you how it is, but never stop loving you ~ I’ve got a voice and know how to use it ~ I support the right to bear arms and some states might require these hands to be registered as lethal weapons ~ I’m a free spirit who smiles a lot… No, not enough… You can never smile enough! ~ My nickname has always been Miss Sunshine, but I’m more fond of Miss Jessie ~ Strong yet, vulnerable ~ I’m single and hate it, but still believe in Fairy Tale endings ~ Salsa, ballroom and belly dancing are my favorite ~ Loves country music ~ I’m a fierce advocate and great spokesperson who always wanted to try being an actress, but hated modeling ~ Confident yet, sometimes shy ~ Live Your Dreams! ~ Hates liver, sauerkraut and anything spicy (hot) ~ Seeks lots of adventure and tries new things ~ Outdoor Enthusiast and Water Baby ~ Movie Junkie ~ Thrives off consistency! ~ I hope to make you laugh, cry and do a little dance but as long I’ve stirred your emotions in some way then I’ll stick around here ~ Very detailed orientated, organized and a self-starter ~ I like to write… A LOT ~ Needs the sun every single day ~ Storm chaser ~ Wide heels only ~ Clothes can be fun, but a huge inconvenience ~ Don’t just find your voice… free it! ~ Life is too short not to be happy ~ I love praise & worship and going to church ~ A mother before ALL else ~ That thing you think you can’t do is the very thing you need to do ~ Playful and sassy, but deeper than you may like ~ Simply Complicated ~ Struggles for balance ~ I am woman, hear me roar, but desire great leadership as well ~ Persistent and Tenacious ~ Wonderfully and beautifully kinky yet, classy a hell ~ Hot stone massages ~ The human body is the most beautiful thing God ever created ~ If you’re not helping, you’re not living ~ Faith and Hope ~ Live, Laugh, Love ~ Want to team up? ~ How about a date? ~ I love taking pictures ~ Optimist meets Realist ~ Everyday intimacy ~ Entrepreneur ~ Anti-bullying in our churches too ~ Forgive, but don’t necessarily forget ~ Can’t we all just get along and be happy? ~ Wake up, pray, kick ass, REPEAT! ~ Travel, travel, and more travel!
But above all, I’m a Christian who loves God more than anything this life has to offer and if I have to alter who I am to gain your approval, acceptance or to fit your ideal image of what that is… Then I guess we won’t be friends. On the other hand, if you’d like some honest encouragement and inspiration to help you rise above it all… Or you’re just looking for a little support, whether it be a shoulder to cry on or a good kick in the ass… Then grab a cup of Jo and curl up with me once in a while for some heart-felt passionate soul food, because I’ve been known to spill my guts and write… just a little bit.